Tempting Tart
by luvscharlie
Summary: Never allow your baby sister to help you get ready for a date. Albus Severus/Scorpius


_Tempting Tart_ by Luvscharlie

Lily gave her brother a once over and shook her head in disgust. "This is unacceptable, Al."

Al, himself, looked down at his white t-shirt and faded jeans, with a hole torn in the knee to lend the appearance that he was fashionably roguish and sexy. "What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?"

"Gay men do not dress that way," Lily responded with a snort.

"Well, little sister, I happen to be, in fact, a gay man who is dressed this way, so I think your theory may have a few rather large flaws." Al pushed his glasses back up his nose, splayed his hands and looked across the kitchen at his mother for a bit of assistance. Ginny shrugged in response as if to say, "I only gave her birth. You're on your own here."

"Go upstairs and come back down when you're properly attired," Lily said, ignoring his statement.

"I will not. You're a bossy little—" His mother cleared her throat, and Al rethought his choice of words. "—thing."

"You'll thank me later when Scorpius Malfoy's tongue's down your throat and his co–" Another clearing of the throat, this time by Ginny and Al simultaneously. "Oh, just go change, won't you? I laid out clothes for you on your bed." Lily rolled her eyes at the lot of them.

Al muttered as he climbed back up the stairs, and he was still muttering when he returned wearing skintight, black leather trousers and a pink mesh shirt.

"Where's the nipple ring?" Lily asked.

"My nipple is not pierced," Al said.

"But I can—"

"No, you most certainly can not!" Al put a protective hand over his chest. "Do I look like an idiot?"

"Well—"

"Shut it, Lils. Dear Merlin, did you have to buy these trousers two sizes too small? I can barely move in them."

"You have a nice bum, and at least you wore the spiked collar. Collars are sexy. Scorpius thinks so too. You should show off your attributes when you're on a date." Lily said, with a toss of her hair as she took up a brush to try and tame his wild locks. He ducked and went to look in the mirror.

"First, I don't want to know that my sister thinks collars that make me look like a man whore are sexy. It's just—well, creepy. And you know, Lils, I find it rather disturbing that you said I have a nice bum. How would you--"

"Oh, I always catch Professor Flitwick looking at it when you walk away from him down the corridors at school. And when you're playing Quidditch he puts his hand inside his robe and--"

Albus held up a hand. "We can classify that in the too much information department. I'm going to go now before I'm late… or before I learn anything else that I'd rather never know."

"No," Lily protested. "You can't go yet. I have date pointers for you. You've never been out on a date before."

"Neither have you!"

Lily rolled her eyes skyward. "Well no, but I'm a girl. I _KNOW_ these things. They're like inbred into our gender or something. So sit down," she said, shoving down on his shoulder so that he fell into a chair.

It's only fair to warn a person, which Al would like to point out did not happen in this particular instance, that leather pants do not give easily—they only hurt. "AAARRRGHHH."

"Now that I have your attention, brother," Lily began calmly, "I should warn you that men are pigs."

Al sighed. "Lily, I am a man."

"Then you should know this to be a fact better than I."

"We are not—" Lily cocked her head at his interruption and looked at him skeptically. "Okay, yeah, I'll concede that point. We are pigs."

"And that is why I'm giving you this." She handed him a small bottle of something. The minute it touched his hand, the bottle burst open and something socked him squarely in the eye.

"Well, that is just lovely. You are a moron! You know to handle things from Uncle George's shop carefully," Lily screeched.

Al was furious. "First of all, you never said it was from Uncle George's shop. Secondly, I barely touched the thing before it attacked me."

Lily clicked her tongue in staunch disapproval. "No time for excuses. Now, you're going to need make-up to cover that shiner."

"You little bitch! You did that on purpose. You've wanted to put make-up on me since you found out about my date with Scorpius. You completely set me up!"

Lily turned to him with her most innocent smile, which fooled him not in the least. "I'm wounded by your accusations, brother dear." She was practically jumping up and down with excitement as she tugged him up the stairs.

"Lily, you come near me with glitter or lipstick, and I will beat your scrawny little arse."

She squealed with delight. "Ooh, I hadn't even thought of that. Al, you're going to be the most beautiful man alive when I'm done with you."

He tugged his hand free of her tight grasp and ran back down the stairs. "The black eye's not so bad. I'll take my chances."

He might have even gotten away, were it not for those damned tight pants. His little sister was Slytherin through and through. She had, no doubt, planned every detail, Al thought, as he left the house sparkling with glitter, coated in make-up, and with lips adorned in a colour that their mother clearly did not know Lily possessed: Tempting Tart.

He arrived at the Leaky Cauldron and every head in the room turned his way. There were times it was a bitch to be Harry Potter's son. Then he caught Scorpius' gaze, who was giving him an admiring once over, and he thought he might have to thank his sister later.

Fin.

_A/N: Originally written for a friend who was having a rotten week._


End file.
